My personal letter to my brother, some advice: take the time to write one he or she can read and mean it.

My dearest brother,

Because of you I have lived two very real extremes of life this week where your passing became a conscious fear, a real and very scary fear that overpowered everything else in my mind, it repeated over and over and consumed my thoughts most of the time buddy, what did I do wrong that I could have done to save you.

It took the strong family you fathered and the loving wife who never stopped caring, your wonderful friends and a merciful God filled with love to help me overcome (what I would have never allowed to happen in your life) to finally realize there was nothing I or anyone else could have done.

If I could have stopped the consuming fear, pain and hurt you held inside; I would have done so brother, but it was so deep  it caused a weakness I could not fight, explain nor understand.  I will always wish that I could have been the one to save you. I love you and I always have, my heart will ache every passing day that I cannot be with you. You are loved and will be forever missed.

Your brother always, Rick.